Avoid losing your things to snatch thieves

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Travellers going to the poor countries are always are being warned of bags and suitcases lost to thieves. Just turning your face on to the other side, just for a while, will result in the above things to go missing.

Malaysia cannot be considered a poor country, but bag snatching is very rampant here.It has become one of the commonest crimes being committed, often the victims getting injured fatally, and even dying piteously.

Snatch thieves seem to be always preying on the fairer sex to carry out their despicable profession. Here are some guidelines for the Malaysian women, to counter the acts of the scoundrels. I hope these will, in some ways, help them to safeguard their

belongings.

1. Have your motorbike fixed with a box with lid, and keep the bag inside.
2. Always lookout, in the front mirrors of your bike, for any motorbike following at the back. If you have the slightest doubt or suspicion, stop by the side and let it pass.
3. Always have a look around your area, for any person, or persons with motorbike loitering around. Under trees. Under any unused structures. Or even the coffee shop nearby. Are they coming out after you have passed them? Have a look behind.
4. If possible do not carry handbags. Keep the cash and valuables in a small purse.
5. Do not wear expensive jewelry when going out. If you want to attend a function go with a male family member. The presence of a male companion will, to a certain extent, discourage snatch thieves from doing their acts.
6. If you must carry a handbag do not put any valuables in it, such as cash, your I.C., passport, bankbook, bankcards, etc. Without the valuables, the handbag is not worth much. So don’t hold it tightly.
7. Do not loop the belt of your bag around your hand; you will get dragged up, unceremoniously, when the snatch thief pulls it. Your life is more important than the bag.
8. Report to the police of any attempts by snatch thieves, even if you did not lose anything, so that the police will be aware of the place and make more patrols.

Makkal Sakthi

So, another political party for the local Indians, the Malaysian Makkal Sakthi Party(MMKP), has been added to the already crowded Indian-based parties – Malaysian Indian Congress(MIC), with Samy Vellu as the leader, the Indian Progressive Front(IPF), led by Pandithan’s wife after his demise, Kayveas’ People’s Progressive Party( PPP), and Malaysian Indian United Party(MIUP) of Anwar’s former close aide and once a leader of his Party Keadilan, Nallakaruppan.

The new party, MMKP, was formed by Thanenthiran, the former coordinator of the banned Hindraf movement. It, certainly, looks odd that Indians, being the minority race of just about 2 million in Malaysia, should have the most number of parties representing them. And, hearing what is being talked about in the media, it looks like this is not the end of it!

The emergence of MMKP, or popularly known as just Makkal Sakthi, is quite sudden, seeing that it had already been approved by Registrar Of Societies (ROS), within a few months, and came into being just within a few days after the release of the final three leaders of the outlawed Hindraf movement, on May 9. Perhaps, this is to provide a lawful venue for the disgruntled members of the outlawed organization, to vent their grouses and grievances, rather than they getting dragged into mob-like activities and scenarios.

The slogan ‘Makkal Sakthi’, or ‘People Power’, in English, had been very synonymous with Hindraf, when it was formed, and was used unsparingly during the last general election, by the opposition. Naturally, this gives the impression that the Malaysian Makkal Sakthi Party is nothing more than a breakaway party of Hindraf. As such, it would seem that the former members of Hindraf do have a reason to be satisfied and smug.

What is arguable is whether the authorising person in R.O.S. was fully satisfied with the party having a strong, revolutionary, and to a large extent, the too down to earth slogan of ‘People Power’ or ‘Makkal Sakthi’ to its name. If he was, then he should be commended for his brevity and impartialness of his decision to approve the Malaysian Makkal Sakthi Party, in its originality. One can’t help, but heap praises on the R.O.S. for this.

The Indians, at least now, have another voice to reach out for help in their quest for their welfare and betterment. Good as it may sound, there are sounds made around the public that there are too many political parties for the Indians, thus, fragmenting them, and making their voice weak and piteously inaudible, when presenting their grievances.

However, there is still some goodness in this for them; it should be admitted that the Indian political parties would fall head over heels, and compete amongst themselves, trying to champion their cause, to attain the much desired popularity. And that, is a victory of some sort for the Indians. But, sadly, a tremendous blow for the hopes and aspirations of Malaysians, who would rather see a Malaysia undivided by racially inclined political parties.

A tribute to mothers

You knew the pain

But face it you dared

Just for the happiness

Of knowing

Someone is  waiting

In you,

To grasp the love

That has always been

In your heart.

Oh, mothers of the world

Tell us, oh, please tell us

Where do you find

So much love

Never ending love

And a bit more!

To give us in abundance

To trickle onto us

To pour over us

In times of our

Darkness and despair

Expecting nothing in return

Except

A little bit of

Your love back!

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Mother

I am no poet

But wrote I this poem

That doesn’t rhyme

But I wouldn’t care it to rhyme

Less my real feelings

Be lost.

 

Mother, mummy, mum, ma

Or whatever names you go by

The inner love that you scoop and

Heap upon us

Endlessly, wanting nothing, but the

Rights to pour out the love that you do.

 

Oh, mother

Mountains may move

Oceans may disappear

The earth may rot

Humans may starve but

Eternal love for us is always there

Right with you, strongly ever!

 

Temple Of The Wild Boars

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Every weekend, towards the evening, busloads of people and hundreds of others in cars and motorcycles are flocking to the town of Taiping. The influx starts on Fridays, and continues on Saturdays and Sundays. At one time, you can see at least 40 buses parked around the area! Further inside, near the temple grounds, the presence of hundreds of cars and motorcycles will be the order of the day.

The reason for the above exodus is this. There is an Hindu temple – the Sri Muniswarar Allayam - just above the foothill of a small hill range, near the housing estate named, Taman Zenith. Every evening, without fail, at about 7pm, several wild boars come out into the open, from the dense forest beside the temple, to the temple grounds, and run into the den specially made for them, amidst the cheers of the people, waiting so patiently around the ropes of the enclosure.

People are awed and bewildered by their temerity, as they eagerly come towards them, and feed on whatever edible offerings given to them. Words have that these wild boars bring luck to whoever having physical contacts with them. There are stories of people having struck it rich in the numbers games, after having touched the creatures. Now, one can see people, on a very crowded day, rushing head over heels, just to touch them. One can also, very often, see some, with their favourite numbers for the weekend, rubbing these papers on the bodies of the wild boars, mumbling, “ Money come! Money come!” The Hindu temple is also having busy weekends attending to the devotees, praying for their good well being. Flowers and prayer items are being sold out at brisk space.

Food for the wild boars are being sold in the temple grounds. One can be tickled to see the wild boars eating anything that was offered – rice varieties of nasi campur, nasi lemak, fried as well as curry chicken! Having had their fill, one or two wild boars will just lie down and doze off around there, while others will go around to people calling out to them with packets of food in their hands.

In these bleak economic times, one wonders how people can find the time and resources to come from all the way from as far as Johor and Pahang, just to visit this small temple near the forest. Perhaps, they have some hidden anticipations.

The Penang Bayan Lepas Airport - a shortcoming

A little grievance about the northernmost airport of Malaysia.

The Penang Bayan Lepas Airport, as it is called,  does not have any watch towers for the visitors and users alike, to see the planes embark or depart. Human beings, being the social animal they are, like to, after seeing off their friends or loved ones into the transport ducts of the terminal, see their plane finally lifting off. They can wait several hours just for that! Some even wave good bye, involuntarily! Just for a feeling of inner satisfaction of having sent away their loved ones properly.

But the Bayan Lepas Airport doesn’t make any allowance for that. Even coming out from the main building and going under the hot sun, to the sides, for a view of the planes, also proves futile, as the long stretch of buildings completely block any sight seeing, let alone the airplanes.

Two days ago, I went with my friends to the airport. They were sending their beloved sister to India, by MAS. (From Penang the plane would fly to Kuala Lumpur and only from Kuala Lumpur she would be flown to Chennai, India.)

Well, after waving off their sister into the passenger duct, they immediately went about searching for the watch tower. I, too followed them. Enquires from the staff resulted in the negative. There were no watching tower in the airport. Someone suggested going out of the building and trying to get a glimpse of the leaving plane from afar. Which, we duly tried. We went to the left side of airport structures. But, no success here, either. The long stretch of the logistical buildings completely got in the way. We then adventured to the right side. The only sight we got here was a gigantic part of a huge China Airlines Cargo plane, loading probably, that could be seen from where we stood, the car park area of the airport workers’ quarters. That was the furthest we could see. We gave up.

Well, we came back to Taiping, disappointed. So much for people friendliness, of the airport.

Proud Perakman

Our beloved Sultan of Perak, is a well learned, impartial and compassionate person. In my opinion, I am sure the Sultan was not keen to waste the rakyat’s (citizens) money by having another election. That’s why when someone with authority went and saw him, he had made the decision he made. A lot of people are making unnecessary comments about him.

He is, undeniably, very impartial. Recent events have proved the Perak royalty is really that. The Raja Muda’s presence at the May 7, Perak State Assembly, and his speech, is a point in example. He had been waiting in the V.I.P. room, patiently, during all the ruckus. With his power and royalness in stature, he could have easily intervened into that day’s despicable procedures. If he had intervened, then there would have been people saying that he was taking sides. Even in his speech, he did not make any comments regarding the chaos, again for the same reason. He just kept to his protocol. Just do not misjudge him because of that.

The other incident, was his cordial welcome of Nizar Jamaluddin, after he was given the judgement as the rightful Mentri Besar by the High Court. I am sure the royalties were following the day’s court proceedings and the outcome. The Raja Muda was informed officially that Nizar was the lawful Menteri Besar, and he duly gave Nizar his warm reception in the investiture ceremony. One could have seen the pictures in the newspapers. A smiling Raja Nazrin Shah, together with the then proclaimed Menteri Besar, Nizar. If the royalty was taking side it could have easily snubbed Nizar. Please put paid to rest the thinking that the Perak royalty is not impartial, once and for all.

The royalty has been having the people to its heart, always. And politicians, don’t always rush to the royalties with the problems caused by yourselves, and place the royalties into embarrassing situations, especially, in these flip-flop times.

Daulat Tuanku!

S.M. Mohamed Idris - A man worthy of recognition

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Many persons unknown to the ordinary man in the street, are being conferred the honourable title of 'Datuk', because of recommendations from the heads of political parties. Only the party members, and probably the people around a nominated person’s area, may know the person, and he may have not done much for the people. He may have got the title because with the dignitary in front of his name, the party head may have thought that it would be easier for the titled person to achieve something, or get concessions from the government for the people. Or he may have got the title, merely for the number of years he had served in the party, at an executive level.

One person who is in the limelight very often due to his constant, direct involvement in the welfare of the people of the nation is the Consumer Association President CAP) of Penang, the 82 year old, evergreen S.M. Mohamed Idris. He really provides a caring service to the ordinary populace, by disseminating timely advice on matters ranging from health, environment, law and even to prudent investments, among others. His research and comments are many in the newspapers, not to mention about the informative books and booklets that his Consumer Association produces for the betterment of the people. His years of service for the welfare of the Malaysian consumers are long. As such, he is well known and it is very depressing, to see that this dedicated man has still to get the recognition that he is worthy of.

Mat Rempit - An excellent idea to eradicate the menace

An article in The Star on 8^th May 2009, said the Inspector-General of Police Tan Sri Musa Hassan, was keen on the idea of setting up rehabilitation centers for illegal racers, instead of merely punishing them. This is indeed an excellent idea. We know that the Mat Rempits are merely youngsters, and punishing them physically or sending them to jail will only make them feel more outcasted from society, and when they were put back into the main stream, they might have a tendency to act in an anti establishment manner. Many times, violence begets violence.

The honorable IGP had also said, “Discipline must be instilled in youngsters and the responsibility lies with the families, the parents, relatives and siblings”. Yes, he hit it right on the head. The police were and are, not responsible for instilling discipline to youngsters. The responsibility lies with the families and friends, and also to a large extent to the schools. The police can only serve out punishments.

In the same article, Kelantan Menteri Besar Datuk Nik Abdul Aziz Nik Mat seem to have said, regarding convicted snatch thieves and Mat Rempits, “These people are getting out of hand. They should be caned or punished in painful ways so that they can be taught a lesson”. Here, I beg to differ a little. Mat Rempits should not be bunched together with the snatch thieves, even though there might be one or two cases of Mat Rempits being involved in those despicable crimes. Snatch thieves are not all teenagers or youths. There are adults involved.

We must also think of the agony the families of the convicted youths go through with the thought of their offsprings undergoing severe punishments, due to their own failure in leading their loved ones to the rightful path.

But the honorable Menteri Besar’s reasoning that the younger generation was getting involved in unhealthy activities because they lacked Islamic knowledge and were idling too much, is very true. Rehabilitation centers do instill religious values, among other programs. It is very apt to send the wayward Mat Rempits to rehabilitation centers, as well as do community services. But do not let the snatch thieves go off easily. Let them undergo real deterrent punishments.

To the non-Malaysian readers, 'Mat Rempits' are those teenagers who race their motorbikes on public roads, often doing dangerous stunts, like lifting front wheels  off the road, disregarding the danger they pose to the other road users.

What they do in a cyber cafe

Cyber cafes are supposed to be places where people go to send emails, write letters, surf the web and do school assignments, print, scan, etc. But what is actually happening is, youngsters are playing away computer games at almost all the computer shops which have network facilities. I should know, for I had operated a cyber café for about four years, six years back in Taiping, from year 1999. So, I think it might interest you to know what actually happened, in a cyber café. I will tell you the actual going ons in my cyber café, for you to make your own opinion regarding the good and bad of the outlets.

Apart from selling and repairing computers, I also ran the cyber café business. My shop had only twelve computers, then. I will normally open the shop for business at about 9 am. in the morning. Even at that time, a few boys will be waiting outside the shop, waiting anxiously for me to open the shop doors. Mind you, they will even stand around me when I was unlocking the doors, so that they can rush inside and pick good places! They should know because they were the very regular users. They knew which computers were smooth and which were not! These were schoolboys of the afternoon sessions. They lived in the kampungs and tamans around my shop. They will go back home after playing and loitering in the shop for about two to three hours. They will come back again wearing uniforms, and play some more! There were one or two boys who, once in a while, will shed off their school uniforms and wear normal clothes, and continue playing or loitering in the shop! Their reasons on enquiring were, they were on medical leave or not well, and will be going to clinic. Some morning session boys will come to the computer shop first, at about 2pm after school, play games or do some internet chatting, and only then go home.

I did not allow any cigarette smoking in my shop, even though it was not air-conditioned. Not even in the bathroom. I did catch a few of them trying to puff away at the back, near the bathroom and they were strongly warned of not being admitted inside, if they were caught again. They stopped. Even adults were no exception. And when using the internet, nobody was allowed to go into adult websites. Strictly forbidden, with notices on the wall. Many a times, did I catch my customers, both adults and schoolboys, trying to browse adult sites. They were told not to do so, in strong terms. Believe me, even boys as young as ten knew how to enter the smut sites, due to their constant minglings with their senior friends!

Online chatting, using the various chat programs in the net, was the next popular thing for those clients of mine. They can chat away for hours. People showed various reactions on their faces and actions while chatting. Some smiled, some laughed, patting the shoulders of their friends sitting beside, and there was a girl who even shed tears, while doing her chatting.

Writing letters or doing school assignments were quite impossible in my place, when the boys were playing the network games, for they will be shouting around instructions and challenging one another, often using vulgar words. Games of ‘Half Life’ and ‘Counter Strike’ were the clear favourites, which solely involved searching and killing the adversaries, using various warfare weapons.

Parents, too, often brought their children, even as young five or six years old, to my place so that these children could familiarize themselves with the first feelings of the computers. I had installed a few computer games for the children, and it became my enthusiastic responsibility to teach these children how to play the games, using the mouse and the various keys of the keyboard. I loved to see their eyes of bewilderment and excitement while they played the games!

Several incidents had discouraged me from continuing with my computer business, the main one being the gradual lessening in the business income, due to strong competitions from the newly opened cyber cafes around the area. Other incidents mainly pertained to the addiction of schoolboys to the computer games and their loitering in my shop. Once, a lady in a nurse’s uniform came inside and took her teenager son away, after whacking him in front of the others in the shop, and to my chagrin, shouting at me that he was never in the house, because of my shop. Another day, a gentleman also did the same thing with his son, only this time he just shouted at him. Being a sensitive person at heart, I had felt very guilty, then, and finally decided to put a stop to this business.





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Tea time - relax

Hunter to Native: Did you see a short man with a white, black-stripped cap passing this way?

Native: Oi…oi sah, me see him in a taigar’s mouth, but no cap!

Hunter: Well, where could have it fallen?

Teacher: Govind, you have ten apples that you have to give to four of your friends. What will you do?

Govind: Make into juice, sir, and give them each a glass.

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A great day

I know a great day;

A day of excitement, happiness,

A day that makes children gay

A day deserving a good bless.

I know a great day;

A day of intense glee,

A day people love, and always may;

The Indian festival of Deepavali!

Soldiers’ march

We go to war! We go to war!

Fighters of a great battalion we are!

Fight we will, for our country and people

And rejoice to die in a war or battle!

To us this is a grand moment

So, too, for our great armament!

Rest not we, until our enemies’ defeat

And will fight on until their full retreat.

Life

What is life?

“Life,” groans the wretched one,

“ is mere frustration,

unhappiness,

despair,

depression….”

“Life is joy!”

shouts the one with a glamorous face,

“Life is happiness,

a celebration,

an excitement.”

Utters, then, the wise one,

“Life is neither happiness,

nor joy.

It is both.”

And doesn’t he prevail?

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Having fun with opportunity

A well known saying says ‘opportunity knocks but once at every man’s door’

The other day, I heard a knock on my door. Thinking that it was opportunity, I opened the door. It was the bill collector!

Opportunity, sometimes, even tries to break the door open, but the occupant had made it too strong.

Many remain poor because when opportunity knocked on their doors they were out.

Do not leave your doors open all the time. Give opportunity the chance to knock on the door, or else, instead of opportunity, something else will enter the house.

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Whose fault?

My daddy once said to me,

“Son, life is but a short one,

so eat, drink and be merry.”

“Yes, sir.” I told him.

So I ate, drank and was merry!

“And son,” my daddy said to me, one day,

“you live but once,

so have wine, woman and songs.”

“Yes, sir.” I told him.

So I had wine, woman and songs.

Then, one day, at noon,

My daddy went away,

to the unknown.

And I was left all alone,

with not a soul to care,

my pockets bare.

All I could do was drink;

All I had were songs.

So I drank

and I sang.

Some called me a drunk,

and some called me mad.

Many said, “he is just a lad,

how sad! how sad! .

But, really, it was my dad,

who was all I had.

If be without

What is life,

Without its scattered,

Little moments of joy;

A tragedy!

What is love,

Without a soul

To share it with;

Just a pain in the heart.

What is hope,

Without a trickle of faith

In itself;

Hopeless.

What is wealth,

Without its effects

On a man’s defects;

Just load,

What is truth,

Without its acceptance

And belief;

A fantasy.

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A worker was brought before the manager on a complaint.

“Didn’t you,” asked the manager, “hear your supervisor clap his hands to call you?

“Yes, sir, I heard it,” said the worker, a man of pride, “but I thought he was hitting mosquitoes.”

Take your pick!

Crazy about rambutans but pockets empty? Don’t fret. Follow these instructions and have your heart’s fill! No stealing, perfectly straight!

Just venture to a rambutan stall under the pretext of buying the fruit. Haggle about the price and quality. You don’t have to wait for long. To the vendor, his fruits are always the best in the territory. To prove his point, he shall offer you one to test for yourself. Of course, he would have given you the best one from his pick, and dare you to disagree. Only that he doesn’t know you have already prepared yourself to dare! After ravishing the rambutan, hint that you are not satisfied. There are many ways of doing this. You can make some lizard sounds. You can shake your head from side to side. Or you can twitch your mouth and say, “never mind”. Go to the next stall, and proceed with the same procedure and end up with a crack at another one of the best rambutans in the territory!

Go to as many stalls as you want, or rather, your stomach wants! One thing though, don’t go to the same stall again, by mistake. Know what I mean?

And the bomoh predicted that before month was out, someone in the kampong will die. He did.

The audience applauded tremendously, after the song ended, not because the song was good, but because he had ended their good mannered, quiet suffering.

Women! They talk so much about their rights. What about their wrongs?

I won’t get very high in life because I am afraid of heights.

LIFE

A short essay on Life, that I wrote while schooling. Please read through, patiently!

Life can be told as a long story written by God on a book called ‘the world’. Life consists essentially of many turns of events. At one time a person experiences adversities, while at another, happiness and gaiety are the substitutes. Thus, life does not, in any way, exist on an uniform, standard and stationary scale. It varies considerably, continuously.

Famous persons have described life in many remarkable ways. The great and well- known Elizabethan author, William Shakespeare, has described the earth and life by his saying, “All the world is a stage. And all the men and women merely players”. By the above maxim, he does not, really, literally mean that the world is truly a stage and that it fully consists of true actors or players. The real meaning lies deep inside the statement. William Shakespeare has cleverly compared the world with the stage and the people living on it with the players. The statement, surprisingly, seems to strike its intended meaning. On the stage are players who continuously undergo remarkable turns of events, of which both adversities and happiness are the chief constituents. When the life on earth is painstakingly compared with that of the play on the stage, they astonishingly seem to be similar in most respects, if not all.

Life, on being studied carefully, seems to have curiously innumerable varieties of hardships and mishaps. An innocent and only child who, all at once, looses both his parents in a mishap, is indeed without the slightest doubt, under the unimaginable mercy of cruel life. He may subsequently be torn down by this kind of life. Yet, he may see a bright future ahead of him and may suddenly be in a glorious moment, with an unexpected change of events. This is possible because a childless or passionate wealthy person may decide to adopt him as his son and gradually pave the way for him to the of heavenly future. Such is the curious changes of events that life possesses.

The adversities, mishaps and hardships are significant causes of crimes such as robberies, murders, rapes, riots, suicide, swindles and countless other violent commotions and chaos. Failure of a long expected success may change the mobile mind of a person, and thus, depress him to a great extent. Hatred for life may later carve him out into an unlawful person. The material world may tempt him to achieve his aims by using the short route method of lawlessness.

The optimistic sides of life are very pleasant to imagine. Millions of people in the world, especially, in the advanced nations such as the USA, Britain, France, Germany and Japan, just to mention a few, are dwelling in the lap of luxury, with homely cars, state of the art homes with ample facilities, the means to travel anywhere they like and nourish whatever food their taste buds desire!

In the poor and overpopulated parts of the world, life is nothing but a continuous path of thorns, along which people of these places have to walk. Such is the case of the way of life in countries like India, China, Nepal, Myanmar, Sudan and many others. Everyday, thousands of poverty stricken people in these nations go on living, and dying without food. Life is, thus, sometimes extremely cruel and sometimes incredibly pleasant.

The world, at this moment, is in the state of chaos. Wars, fights, riots, bomb attacks are taking forms all around the once peaceful world, if one can call it peaceful, what with some sort of calamities occurring always somewhere. The lack of jobs does not, in the least, favour the situation. The present age can be unhesitatingly said as an age of mass and strong competition. In such a situation, to obtain a stout and permanent foothold on the optimistic side of life, one should indeed work hard strenuously, compete courageously with others and win.

Life starts with the gradual birth of an infant and continues until his unavoidable, ultimate death. One should, therefore, to obtain an everlasting and prosperous position in life, commence putting his very best effort, the very moment he is matured enough to know this very, wide world.

How was the essay above? I got an 'A' for it! Ha ha! That encouraged me to write some more!

Anything goes

You are the world
One drop of water
Just from your very one eye,
Will bring
Rain, pouring from the sky!

From your lips
Just one smile,
Will bring
Laughter, echoing for a mile!


Hawker: Ice cream! Ice cream!
Little girl: You are right!
Surprised hawker: What do you mean, I am right?
Little girl: You scream!

“Keep the change,” said the generous customer, “if there is any.”

Govind: You are showing your true colours now!
Samy: Yes, you are right. But I thought you said you are colour blind!

A man: Haven’t I seen your face somewhere?
The other man: No, you couldn’t have. I take it with me always.

Govind: How many seas are in an ocean?
Samy: Sixty?
Govind: No, there is only one ‘c’ in an ocean!

Girl: My boss turns into a doctor whenever I ask for a raise.
Her friend: How come?
Girl: He asks me to be patient.

The fat rat ate the cat and the mat!

Ron: Where in hell is Bob, Sam?
Sam: He should be there, somewhere. He died last week.

Village doctor: Did that medicine I gave do any good to your wife?
Man: Yes, doc. It made her go to the hospital, next day!

Judge: Why did you point a knife at that man?
Thief: Because I did not have a gun.

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Poor beggar
His eyes are closing…closing…closed!
He is asleep now, fast asleep.
Him – no one can goad;
For he is in a world, too deep.

He lies on a carpet, dirty and small
It serves him now, as a bed
His chest does not rise, or fall;
For he is dead!

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Office boy: There is a man with a moustache outside, sir.
Manager: Tell him I have one already.

Office boy: There is a man outside, sir?
Manager: Does he have a beard?
Office boy: No, sir, only a suitcase.

A man (proudly): My son builds airplanes during free time.
Another man: That’s nothing. My son builds castles in the air.

Manager to job applicant: Can you type well?
Applicant: Yes, sir. I can type other words, too!

Stranger: Can you tell me where is the street to Mr. Sam’s house?
Man: Well, this is Mr. Sam’s house and that’s the street you want.

An alarm clock is there to alarm you that you didn’t wake up, when it rang.

English grammar lesson: Although he is tall he is short.

Two small boys were proudly comparing their mothers,
“You know,” said one, “my mum uses red house-paint on her lips!”
“That’s nothing, “ replied the other one, “my mum puts gun-powder on her face!”

Car salesman: Hello, sir! How is the car I sold to you last week?
Man: Oh, it’s still alive and…kicking!

“Hello,” said one, “ is it the police? I want to report a theft. A girl has stolen my heart!”


About honesty
You buy, say,about seventy sen’s worth of goods, give the shopkeeper a one ringgit note and start walking away, in the pretense that you have forgotten about the change of thirty sen. The shopkeeper, unhesitatingly calls after you and returns you the change. You, of course, accept it with a sheepish grin and a big, “Thank you”.
On another day, you shop another seventy sen’s worth of goods. This time you give the shopkeeper a ten ringgit note and walk away without the change. Only this time the shopkeeper doesn’t call after you. He, in fact, waits anxiously for you to disappear from sight. Where has the honesty gone? Well, thirty sen is one thing, but an easy nine ringgit and thirty sen is another thing altogether! Such is the honesty of the world.


Then, there is the case of a boy who wrote to world leaders to stop all wars and treaties at all cost because the history books were getting thicker!

The case of many young man today:
Before marriage, “My life is empty without you.”
After marriage, “ My life is empty with you.”

There is uncertainty of God rewarding those who do good. But there is one thing you can never doubt. Those who sin are punished, surely.

“ My heart belongs to no one but you,” said the girl to her fiancé.
“Oh great!” said her fiancé, a heart transplant surgeon.


When in Rome do as Romans do – some updates!
When in Rome do as Rome ants do.
When in Rome do romance.
When in home do as Romans do.
When in Rome, roam.

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“Dar..li.ng, “ muttered the old man on his deathbed, “ I am… go.ing..to…tell you…a… sec.r.et.. I have…kept..for..all…this..si.x.ty…two..years!”
“What is it dear?” asked his wife, eagerly.
“I…I… h..ave…f.a.l.s.e….t..e..e..t..h!” said the man.

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The mirror
The mirror
Doesn’t just show your face.
It shows your moods, too;
When you are angry,
or sad’
wary,
or glad
Your face betrays them all to
The mirror.

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Optician: Ma’am, how many birds can you see over there?
The lady: Well, let me see now, ..one..er..two…er..three…four! Am I right?
Optician: No, ma’am.You are wrong. There aren’t any.


You can kill more than two birds with one stone, too, if you choose a bigger stone and there are more birds in the bush. It is the same with life: you will receive more success with greater effort.


Optician: Sir, can you see the poster on that wall?
Man with poor eyesight: Wall? What wall?

“My son,” boasted the father, “is in the cabinet!”
“My son should know,” said his companion, “he makes them.”

“You know something,” said the man, “ my son has a key job overseas.”
“Really?” inquired his new friend, impressed, “What does he do?”
“He makes keys.”


Have you heard about a judge who charged a man of robbery, for robbing a woman of her honour?

Epitaph on the grave of an extremely lazy person:
“HERE FINALLY LIES WILSON”

Friends are like birds. They fly away in times of trouble.

Announcement on a radio:
Here are the outcome of soccer matches played between various teams.
Oldcastle versus Spoke City – one killed, two injured.
Kidneypool versus East Ham – three injured, one in coma.
Chelland versus Moonderland – two injured.
Boychester United versus Portsnose – one injured.
Whiteburn Rovers versus Tottenlamb Coolspur – two in coma

“I used to worry a lot about my falling hair. Now I don’t!”
“Really? Give me your secret!”
“No secret. No hair left.”

Benson was a great one for lying. He lied to everyone everywhere. He, now, lies in his grave.


Talking about movies, there are three types; movies that make you sit right back in your seat, movies that make you sit on the edge of your seat, and movies that will make you vacate your seat.


Man on seeing the beggar to whom he had given a ringgit earlier, coming out from a bar:
I thought I told you not to drink whisky with the money I gave you!
The beggar: No, sir. It was brandy!”

Once the mouth said to the ear, ”You know what,” it boasted, “I am the most active organ on the head. I talk, yell, cry, laugh, whisper, whistle, jeer, sing, drawl, whoop, yelp, scream……..”
“Yeah, yeah,” cut in the ear, “but without me they are of no use.”

Peele: You know something, this is an unlively place.
Bob: You can say that again.
Peele: You know something, this is an unlively place.

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Of happiness
One who pretends to be happy can never be as happy as the one who pretends to be sad.

Happiness comes naturally to the poor. To the rich, it is forced every hour.

The happiness of the poor is real, natural and lasting for the while it lasts. That, of the men of riches, is merely temporary and of pretense.

The happiness of the wealthy comes from the feeling of pride; pride of possession of properties, of status. Hence, to them pride is happiness. To the man in want, happiness is happiness.

Obama is a Precedent ...of USA

It has been just over 100 days of Barack Obama’s presidency in USA now, but the hysteria and phobia over Obama still hasn’t waned, at least, not with me.

 Well, maybe a little. I have been, ardently, following his every move since he started his campaign against John McCain. And it got more exciting when he campaigned against Hilary Clinton. After work, I will be glued to the TV for the latests on Obama. The TV was no more the ‘idiot box’! It got so bad that I heard my wife grumbling about she missing her favorite serials! I dare say the same or similar situations have happened in many households throughout the world. Why? The reason is obvious. For the first time an Afro American, a minority race, in a nation of mostly whites, was in the limelight for the Presidency of the most powerful nation in the world. And, now, he is the president! The miracle has happened! It is a miracle because a person of previously downtrodden race, by the whites, ( forgive me for rekindling the ugly side of history a little ) has been able hold the highest post in the world. Of course, the socially advanced white Americans had voted him in, not to mention about his own minority race.

 The white Americans have, at last, openly, demonstrated their maturity and acceptance of anything good. They have got back some self respect in the process. Minority races all over the world have rejoiced openly or embarrassingly inwards. They are extremely happy for Barack H. Obama! They hope the best for him. He is one of them now! The high ratings that he obtained for his first 100 days of presidency have pleased them immensely!

Only those strange facts of life

A man is doctored from death to life; only to be hanged by the court.

A lonely person feels envy for the popularity and abundance of friends of another person. Only that the other person feels more lonely.

A man plans, imagines and thinks of all the things he will do in the world if he has a windfall of a large amount of money. Only that when he really has it, the money goes in all the wrong directions.

A girl loves a boy exceedingly. Only that she has a craze to hurt his feelings.

A man on the brink of death thinks and promises of all the good thinks he will do if given life. Only that when really given life, he goes on as usual.

A soldier stands the loudest and most the distorting of noise. Only that he couldn’t stand the soft music of mosquitoes near his ear.

A soldier at war faces his enemies under all odds and fights them off. Only that, at home, he couldn’t face the angry face of his wife.

A lawyer presents all his best evidence and witnesses and upholds the innocence of his client.
Only that all the time his client was as guilty as hell.

A student nods his head to everything his teacher says. Only that he couldn’t grasp the head from the tail.

A doctor prescribes all sorts of food to his patient to make him fat. Only that he himself is thin.

A baby cries at the top of her voice. Only that she is happy.

The staffs are all teeth as they welcome their boss. Only that they wish he will depart as soon as possible.

A neighbour switches on his radio at full blast. Only that he is not listening.

The workers laugh aloud and long at their boss’s joke. Only that it is not a joke at all.

A man tells his friend he is not afraid of ghosts at all. Only that when he is all alone and in the dark a chill runs along his spine.

A fortune teller acclaims that he can make the poor become rich. Only that he himself remains poor.