Tea time - relax

Hunter to Native: Did you see a short man with a white, black-stripped cap passing this way?

Native: Oi…oi sah, me see him in a taigar’s mouth, but no cap!

Hunter: Well, where could have it fallen?

Teacher: Govind, you have ten apples that you have to give to four of your friends. What will you do?

Govind: Make into juice, sir, and give them each a glass.

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A great day

I know a great day;

A day of excitement, happiness,

A day that makes children gay

A day deserving a good bless.

I know a great day;

A day of intense glee,

A day people love, and always may;

The Indian festival of Deepavali!

Soldiers’ march

We go to war! We go to war!

Fighters of a great battalion we are!

Fight we will, for our country and people

And rejoice to die in a war or battle!

To us this is a grand moment

So, too, for our great armament!

Rest not we, until our enemies’ defeat

And will fight on until their full retreat.

Life

What is life?

“Life,” groans the wretched one,

“ is mere frustration,

unhappiness,

despair,

depression….”

“Life is joy!”

shouts the one with a glamorous face,

“Life is happiness,

a celebration,

an excitement.”

Utters, then, the wise one,

“Life is neither happiness,

nor joy.

It is both.”

And doesn’t he prevail?

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Having fun with opportunity

A well known saying says ‘opportunity knocks but once at every man’s door’

The other day, I heard a knock on my door. Thinking that it was opportunity, I opened the door. It was the bill collector!

Opportunity, sometimes, even tries to break the door open, but the occupant had made it too strong.

Many remain poor because when opportunity knocked on their doors they were out.

Do not leave your doors open all the time. Give opportunity the chance to knock on the door, or else, instead of opportunity, something else will enter the house.

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Whose fault?

My daddy once said to me,

“Son, life is but a short one,

so eat, drink and be merry.”

“Yes, sir.” I told him.

So I ate, drank and was merry!

“And son,” my daddy said to me, one day,

“you live but once,

so have wine, woman and songs.”

“Yes, sir.” I told him.

So I had wine, woman and songs.

Then, one day, at noon,

My daddy went away,

to the unknown.

And I was left all alone,

with not a soul to care,

my pockets bare.

All I could do was drink;

All I had were songs.

So I drank

and I sang.

Some called me a drunk,

and some called me mad.

Many said, “he is just a lad,

how sad! how sad! .

But, really, it was my dad,

who was all I had.

If be without

What is life,

Without its scattered,

Little moments of joy;

A tragedy!

What is love,

Without a soul

To share it with;

Just a pain in the heart.

What is hope,

Without a trickle of faith

In itself;

Hopeless.

What is wealth,

Without its effects

On a man’s defects;

Just load,

What is truth,

Without its acceptance

And belief;

A fantasy.

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A worker was brought before the manager on a complaint.

“Didn’t you,” asked the manager, “hear your supervisor clap his hands to call you?

“Yes, sir, I heard it,” said the worker, a man of pride, “but I thought he was hitting mosquitoes.”

Take your pick!

Crazy about rambutans but pockets empty? Don’t fret. Follow these instructions and have your heart’s fill! No stealing, perfectly straight!

Just venture to a rambutan stall under the pretext of buying the fruit. Haggle about the price and quality. You don’t have to wait for long. To the vendor, his fruits are always the best in the territory. To prove his point, he shall offer you one to test for yourself. Of course, he would have given you the best one from his pick, and dare you to disagree. Only that he doesn’t know you have already prepared yourself to dare! After ravishing the rambutan, hint that you are not satisfied. There are many ways of doing this. You can make some lizard sounds. You can shake your head from side to side. Or you can twitch your mouth and say, “never mind”. Go to the next stall, and proceed with the same procedure and end up with a crack at another one of the best rambutans in the territory!

Go to as many stalls as you want, or rather, your stomach wants! One thing though, don’t go to the same stall again, by mistake. Know what I mean?

And the bomoh predicted that before month was out, someone in the kampong will die. He did.

The audience applauded tremendously, after the song ended, not because the song was good, but because he had ended their good mannered, quiet suffering.

Women! They talk so much about their rights. What about their wrongs?

I won’t get very high in life because I am afraid of heights.