The crust and crux of Hindu wedding.

Friends, there had been a big delay in any new post from me because I had been greatly occupied by a happy event – the marriage of my first son. I am sure you are also happy to get this news and will naturally understand the lapse.

Though the wedding occurred on Sunday, 24 October 2010, this being an Indian wedding, a lot of cultural and traditional events had been in order. Firstly, the boy’s side - that is us – had to go to the girl’s house and rightly ask the girl’s parents for the girl’s hands. Mind you, this after knowing that the boy and girl had already been meeting very often for the past two years now and were inseparable. Oh, okay. Liked each other! The event is called ‘nichiyam’.

Then there is the ‘parisam’ where the boy’s family, along with a few close relatives and neighborly friends go to the girl’s house with ‘tambalams’ (trays) of several types of offerings like various type of fruits, sweets, cakes, candies, etc. We took 21 ‘tambalams’.

‘Parisam’ is the time when the actual wedding date and time would be confirmed and the dreadful (bonanza for some) dowry, respectfully referred in Tamil as ‘seerr’ (sounds as in seek), would be discussed. You guessed it! There was no mention of it by me. I am not a dowry seeker. My troupe got the wind of it and they did not bring it up either. Of course, if the girl’s side wants to feel respectful by offering something, I have got no objection. They did not mention it either. By the way, before any of you got the wrong idea, dowry is some sort of gift that the girl’s family gives to the boy’s family. It could be land, property, house, furniture, vehicle or even cash in kind. A big debate can be got out of this dowry thing!

The girl’s side had arranged for the ‘parisam’ to be held in a temple as their house could not accommodate big crowds, which we were. This we accepted. We, especially me, are not the picky and fussy type. Thank you.

The ‘parisam’ over, three days before the wedding day, ‘nalunggu’ and ‘kaal oondrudhal’ were done. ‘Nalunggu’ is where the bridegroom sits cross-legged outside the house, normally in the porch and three to nine female relatives and friends offer prayers in front of him with various prayer items. The prayer items are circled around his seated body, from head to toe, often touching his shoulders and knees. The items include an oval shaped flour grinding stone, quite heavy. One can’t help laughing when sometimes the bridegroom ducks his head involuntarily when the stone is above his head during the circular movement. Vibuthy (prayer ash), crimson coloured powder and yellowish powder moisture are slightly stroked up on his forehead cheeks and hands.

‘Kaal oondrudhal’ is basically standing up about a five to six feet bamboo pole on the land in front of the house. If no land is available it is planted in a big vase. While planting or inserting the bamboo at least three or five women should hold it. Of course, prayers are made while doing it.

Then comes the big day, the wedding day. Preparation is huge; ordering the printing of wedding cards, writing up the names and distributing the cards, buying the wedding apparels and ornaments, arranging for the tents, video and cameramen, decorations…phew! Just mentioning them is so tiring!

Okay, friends. Everything is all over now! From now on I will try my best to put up a post as often as I can. Thanks for being with me.

Updated…

Oh, I still haven’t told you about the pinnacle of the wedding, the ceremony that matters most, the tying of the 'thali' around the bride’s (ponnu’s) neck by the bridegroom (mappillai)!  Thali is, basically, several cotton strings twisted together into a wire size thickness of yellow string. The thali has to be in the Indian auspicious color of yellow and will be prepared with turmeric or saffron.  A small, oval-shaped (intricately structured and depicting symbols of the Gods) piece of gold is strung on the thali in the center. After the priest had chanted and hymned several rituals and mantras, in front a small fire burning on mango sticks, intermittently, fed by suitably-liquefied ghee by the priest, he gives the thali, laid on a tray with a peeled coconut and other smaller holy items like betel leaves, betel nuts and bananas,  to a close relative, to be shown to the congregation, individually, to get their blessings, which they do by hovering their opened and over turned palms over the tray with the thali, just for a second.  Phew! That was long! And, indeed, an Hindu wedding ceremony also takes very long - almost two hours. I am married and had been a very close witness to the weddings of my two sons, not mentioning the dozens of weddings that I have attended and I still don’t know which rituals come first and their purposes! Just telling you how complicating and long the Hindu rituals and the traditional procedures can be. That seems to be the reason why the priests are an integral part of Hindu traditions, prayers and festivals. What I know is that the fire is there as a witness to the wedding. Remember fire can enlighten as well as annihilate!

Well, let’s come back to my son’s wedding matter. After all said and done - ha ha, I mean after the hymns of rituals and the ritualistic  tasks that the bride and groom were asked to utter and do, my son was given the ritualistically blessed thali to tie around the neck of the ‘ponnu’ who was sitting beside him. And he gladly did, accompanied by the traditional, doom, doom, doom music that was always played when the thali was being tied. Dry saffron rice were thrown by the people sitting or standing in front, over the couples’ heads as a show of blessings, as is the custom. 

End of the main ceremony. Ceremonies of different sorts start……..!